Love Advice Love Relationship

To research my book, Men Made Easy, I immersed myself in the study of men. (And was that ever fun!) I interviewed hundreds of men and a standard question was, “What are the most attractive qualities in a woman.” After laughing and listing their favorite body parts, I clarified my question. “What are the qualities you find most attractive in the woman with whom you fall in love, the woman with whom you wish to make a life?” Being alluring isn’t special tricks or techniques. It’s a way of being. Remember how we watched Princess Diana blossom into it? The following “tips” come from my research into the heart, soul, and psyche of men. If you take them to heart and make them yours, you’ll be happier, more attractive…and definitely more alluring. You’ll have what I call ‘Feminine Grace’. How will you know? Because men will treat you differently. And guess what, I guarantee you’re going to like it.

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1) Smile as often as you can.

Men are most attracted to a woman who is happy. A smile is like a big neon sign that tells the world you’re a happy person and probably fun to be around. We’re all attracted to that kind of person. Besides, smiling works those muscles in your face and keeps your face firmer, slowing the aging process. (At least it seems like that would have to be the case.) Plus, every time you smile, it’s kind of like you’ve just given yourself a face lift. Smiling counters gravity. So ladies, lift those faces, work those muscles and smile your heart out. (Hmmm, now isn’t that an interesting turn of words? Smile your heart out, let your heart out so others can see it. Fun, huh?)

2) Laugh frequently.

When you hear someone laughing, doesn’t it make you want to go over there and be with them, to join in the fun? A person who laughs easily is assumed to be happy. When you laugh, you’re relaxed and self-consciousness flies out the door. Attractive means to draw toward you. Everyone wants to be around happy people. Why not be that person that people are attracted to? Plus, laughter creates endorphins, which is good for you immune system, and most likely, keeps you younger. At least you’ll feel younger.

3. Look directly into men’s eyes…with a little smile on your lips.

The other thing men said they were most attracted to was a woman who genuinely likes herself, who’s comfortable with who she, who likes how she looks, and who’s not self-conscious. If you’re self-conscious it’s difficult to look people in the eyes. If you can’t look a man in the eyes you can’t really connect. It’s the primary signal to a man that you’re open to him advancing closer. Without that eye contact, that permission, most men will turn and go somewhere else. (They need to feel they have about a 95% chance of success.) Practice looking at people slightly longer than is comfortable, with a little hint of a smile. Use people who don’t matter so you’re not intimidated. Does it make people notice you more, become more interested in you? It’s amazing how a few seconds of eye contact can make all the difference. They don’t call it a “come-hither” look for nothin.

4. Walk with grace and self-confidence.

It was funny how often men said they were attracted to a woman who had good posture. When you stand straight you’re physically more attractive, you tell the world you’re proud of who you are, comfortable with how you look, and someone said, “It makes your boobs stick out.” That may be all it is, but I think a woman who stands tall is truly beautiful. A woman with bad posture, even a classically beautiful woman, falls short. (pardon the pun

5. Flirt, but keep it subtle.

Men said the only thing that was more scary than approaching a new woman, or moving to the “next level” with her, was the possibility of physical danger. (Isn’t that so cute?) The lingering eye contact and smiling from across the room are part of that subtle flirting. A touch on the arm actually moves things to the next level, letting him know you’re open to him. A woman who’s guarded doesn’t usually touch a man and men know that. Flirting is being friendly, keeping the door open, letting them know we’re not going to embarrass them. But it must be subtle. Part of being alluring is the mystery. If we’re too overt, it becomes crass.

6. Have style, be classy.

An alluring woman is a classy woman. When you pay attention to the little details, then you stand out above the rest. An alluring woman is an exceptional woman. Look around and you’ll see for yourself. Become exceptional by taking those extra steps with your hair, make-up, and clothes. But don’t overdo it, keep it simple. Let your true beauty shine through. When everything is overdone, you can’t see the women beneath all the layers. And men are usually turned off by a woman with too much hair, make-up, jewelry… well, you know, too much.

7. Enjoy your femininity.

Men said they found a woman who obviously enjoys being a woman to be extremely attractive. Even if you’re just going to the post office, if it makes you feel more feminine, put on a little lipstick, blush, and mascara. A quick brush through the hair and you’re ready. Jeans and a T-shirt can be very attractive on a woman who enjoys being a woman. On a woman who doesn’t care, they’re just “guy” clothes, something to cover the body, keep it warm. Oh yes, paint those toenails…red if you dare. Then, instead of boring sneakers, throw on some of those great open-toed slings or sandals that are in all the stores right now. SEXY! You’ll feel it and, trust me, he’ll notice it.

8. Wear sexy lingerie.

It may sound silly, but sexy lingerie affects how you “are.” You’ll feel sexier, more sensual, more womanly, more attractive. Men don’t know what’s going on, but they can sense that you’re different and that difference comes across as alluring. Can you see how subtle all this is? And it’s fun. So, girl, get out there and play with this stuff and notice how differently men respond to you. Let loose, get creative and enjoy…

Joyfully,

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Kara Oh is the best-selling author of numerous relationship books including From Flirting to Forever, Men Made Easy, Marriage Made Easy, and Women Made Easy.

Kara has been interviewed on hundreds of radio and TV shows across the country in cities like New York, Atlanta, Las Vegas, Chicago, and Philadelphia, and signed books in bookstores in every major (and a few not so major) city. She has featured in magazines like Cosmopolitan and Women’s World. She is an enlightening and entertaining public speaker and has traveled to all the major US cities sharing her insights about what makes men tick and how to create amazing relationships.